The Yanaism: A New Beginning

2007-01-05T11:24:00.000+08:00

I've decided to move.
AGAIN.

http://the-yanaism.livejournal.com

It is time I start a new chapter in life.
Cherios.

Goodbye my lover.

2006-12-23T23:05:00.000+08:00

Did I disappoint you or let you down?
Should I be feeling guilty or let the judges frown?
Cause I saw the end before we'd begun
Yes I saw you were blinded and I knew I had won
So I took what's mine by eternal right
Took your soul out into the night
It may be over but it won't stop there
I am here for you if you'd only care

You touched my heart you touched my soul
You changed my life and all my goals
And love is blind and that I knew when
My heart was blinded by you
I've kissed your lips and held your head
Shared your dreams and shared your bed
I know you well, I know your smell
I've been addicted to you

I am a dreamer but when I wake
You can't break my spirit, it's my dreams you take
And as you move on, remember me
Remember us and all we used to be
I've seen you cry, I've seen you smile
I've watched you sleeping for a while
I'd be the mother of your child
I'd spend a lifetime with you
I know your fears and you know mine
We've had our doubts but now we're fine
And I love you, I swear that's true
I cannot live without you

And I still hold your hand in mine
In mine when I'm asleep
And I will bear my soul in time
When I'm kneeling at your feet

Goodbye my lover
Goodbye my friend
You have been the one
You have been the one for me

Best describes it.
FUCK.

pt 1

2006-12-22T02:55:00.000+08:00

2:55am

I am getting myself into a whole lot of trouble. I hate to accept the fact that things change and I have changed as well. I am contradicting myself; even worst than my accused. I'm sorry Josh. It's hard for me to say but I wanna move on.

Ya Allah, please shine light on the right path for me. All these misunderstandings, change of heart and that newfound friendship; are those signs? I need the strength to say No, the ability to think of what's right and wrong, and make my choices. Tawwakal.

Love hurts indeed

2006-12-21T11:22:00.000+08:00

I don't know what to feel at this point. I'm happy to see him, esctatic actually. But the disappointment is overpowering. Is it fair to say that he came back as a different person and I no longer like what I see? Or is it fair for me to overlook all those differences and just live life as per normal, pretending everything hasn't changed a wee bit?

Sigh.

Well physicals aside, he is still the guy I fell for back then, or is he? But he broke our promise and that changed everything. Was it because of my "fear" and rejection that he's turned into this person? I dunno. But I know that it's not right.

Baby I know it's ridiculous but you ask yourself what happened. If we wanna go any further than this, I'd have to say no. I can't change you anymore.

Endnote;
You make the choice Josh.

Homecoming

2006-12-17T16:56:00.000+08:00

So it's confirmed. Arrival time in Singapore would be 0549hrs, 21 minutes under scheduled timing.

I'm excited, and I don't know why. hahahaha. Do I miss him? Hell yeah. Do I still love him? I dunno. Does he still love me? That I have to question.

Perhaps it's the distance and absence which makes our hearts grow fonder. Or perhaps it's just all that doodah and anticipation of welcoming a friend home.

But it is gonna end with a farewell once again, very soon.

Fuck farewells for now, I'm gonna spend this 2 weeks with him and make something fruitful out of it. Fort Road, ECP or just the mere garden rendezvous, I AM gonna give him the best experience ever before he leaves.

Welcome home Joshua Zulfiqar Lee.
=)

Endnote;
I'm all smiles.

Seductress of errmmm... entah

2006-12-16T01:20:00.000+08:00

SEDUCTION STYLE EH?

*raaawwwrrrr*
But quite true la.

Another camwhore day.
weeeee...

Anyone got $200 to spare?
Please get me this red dress.
Pwwweeeaaassseee....

Endnote;
*Just like a star*

random, very

2006-12-14T22:54:00.000+08:00

Ok I know I'm like technically lagging but I just caught Step Up awhile back and it's an awesome movie. Somewhat similar to Save The Last Dance; well very similar but both scored in my book. A few reasons to why I like these kinda shows;

1. There's dancing, lots of them.
2. Stories about ghetto life; drugs, guns and drivebys.
3. Cliche ending; lead actor/actresses gets to fulfil their dream.

Very typical chick flick isn't it, except that I'm no typical chick but I loved it nonetheless. Now who's gonna dance his way to my heart and sweep me off my feet? That is IF he is strong enough to lift me la. hahahaha.

So here's a piece of bad news. One of my uncles passed away this morning after a few week's battle with complications. Not very sure what went wrong but it's something to do with a growth in one of his major organs bursting, and in which during operation he got a mild heart attack. Been in the ICU on comatose for about 2 weeks or more, got better for awhile and diving back into a coma early this week. I guess his body can't take it anymore and he demised this morning.

Innalillahiwainnailaihirajiuun...

I remembered just about a year ago *someone* got into a coma and I freaked out like hell. Who wouldn't? His EMT was so low we all thought he wouldn't make it but alhamdulillah he's more than alright now. SQ37, 18/12. :)

Liyana Nurhuda misses you.
hahahaha.

I need money to buy clothes! Gimme gimme gimme! Arrrgghhh I'm going delirious!

Ok this diver guy from China looks like a errmmm... down syndrome kid. Ok that's bad. I apologise.

I've got this habit of switching off my mobile very early lately. No reasons why, just felt like it. So unless there's anything super important, wait til morning. Or if it's a life and death situation, then you may call my home. You'll know you're super imporatant to me if you've got my home number. Chey chey chey kerek.

McDonalds' Apple Pie kicks major asses. Eve must have been craving for it then.

Endnote;
Straits Kitchen here I come!... Hello gastoronomic adventure, goodbye to financial liability. blah.

Malacca, camwhore, ambassador

2006-12-13T11:03:00.000+08:00

Its been awhile. I'm still waiting for my dulce de leche *hints*. But anyhoos, nothing much has been up except for the usual shopping/window shopping, sleeping, eating, net surfing routine. I've had my fried fish soup from Tong Seng for two consecutive days now, still craving for more. Erk. Borrowed 11 books from the National Library yesterday in hopes to read them in 3 weeks, yea right. Watching the Men Diving thingy on TV now and I'm totally in like with Malaysia's Khairul Safwan Mansur. He's so cute la. hahaha.

So here's a recap on my Malaccan weekend. Driving on the highway was a breeze, except the few occasions when a group of bikers overtook me like vrrooommm, and the police roadblock, in which I was safe from but my other cousins' weren't. hehehe.

Ok I can't be bothered to type any longer. Here are some pics of me, my cousin and nieces, camwhoring as usual.

THE LAKE

[ The lake opposite our resort ]

[ My cousin, Hairi ]

[ So-called outdoor activity but the centre is always closed! ]

[ Another view of the lake, overlooking the golf course ]

SCORPION PLEATS

[ My scorpion pleat ]

[ The front, with my hairstylist in the background ]

CAMWHORE MOMENTS
at 1 in the morning, when insomnia kicks in.

[ Nazirah . moi . Haikal . Danial . Lisa ]

[ Girls just wanna have fun ]

[ Pseudo-bunnies ]

ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS...

Seriously, I can be a Dorothy Perkins and Marks & Spencers' ambassador la. Anyone kind enough to get me any of those outfits? All 3 outfits will not be rejected though. hahahaha.

Endnote;
5 more days y'all!

dulce de leche please

2006-12-09T00:56:00.000+08:00

Check this link out.

Muhd Harun Nur Rashid!!!!
WHEN LAAAAAA???

CAN, family and blah blahs

2006-12-07T15:25:00.000+08:00

Was browsing through youtube for some random shitnicks and it brought me to surf onto CAN's Strongest Dad video. That video is really an inspiration. Mary introduced this video to us in Programming class and I can never thank her enough for that. I've posted this before but here's the link again if you missed it.

Part 1
Part 2

I love my dad. Although at times we don't see eye to eye about some issues, he's still my dad and all the sacrifices he's made, together with my mum to grant me this life I'm in, I'm more than greatful for that. I question myself to whether I would be able to repay all their kindness before they leave this world. Thus far, I can't give them any financial security, I haven't granted them at least a diploma as yet (but I will get there in 6 months, insyaAllah), but I've been trying to be a good daughter. Knowing the relationship between both my parents and my brother has somewhat deteriorated, it is time I butt into the picture and at least lighten the pain and disappointment in them. I'd like to do anything to make them happy, the least make them smile even if my jokes are corny. I'm getting there.

[ pretend you don't see that other person ok ]

Such happy faces. But where are the smiles now?

On to something more lighthearted. It's Starbucks Day today, meaning free coffee (anything!) from 5pm to 7pm at any Starbucks outlet! Was supposed to go with bestie but both of us got lazy. Futhermore I still have my contract and agreement to draft out. Sigh.

I can't wait to get out of Singapore this weekend, again. hahaha. I need an alternative breath of air, even if it's mere Sentosa. Nothing against Singapore; just need to get all the stress out of my systems before I start school in a month's time and be a conformist to the educational and working standards.

Endnote;
Some things are better left unsaid but sometimes misconceptions really hurt.

Weekend, gigs and Heart

2006-12-05T22:58:00.000+08:00

It totally didn't occur to me that my mom was driving to Shah Alam, therefore my intention to drive up to Changi Village was a bummer. Nonetheless I had a blast over the weekend with my cousins, nieces, bestie and all those who made it a blast la. hahaha.

Babies Proms Day 2 kicked ass man! I loved the concert, playing with kids, jumping up and down, making elephant sounds and all those things kids do which looks super silly. Call me up for the next Babies Proms ok! =)

[ my colleagues of SSO @ VCH by the end of the event ]

Saturday night was dinner date(s) out with my cousins and bestie. Seoul Garden @ Marina Square it is. Weekend dinner is super EX okay! But all's good in the name of ermmm... hunger? hahaha.

Yea we are the gluts! (read:gluttons) And I'm chief glut! hahaha. But actually nolah. I think my threshold for food has simmered down alot. Either my stomach's getting smaller, or is it just my narrowing windpipe which is making my appitite just disappear. Ok nevermind, that aside.

After dinner we crossed over to the Esplanade only to see a hell load of skins, punks and other "cultured people". A ska gig at the Waterfront, hence the crowd. We chilled abit(and camwhored as well) but got very irritated somehow with the rowdy crowd so we left. Well it was all a norm for me la but with my bestie and my so-very-innocent cousins(rriiittteee...), out of there it is! Bestie and her sis left while me and cuzzies decided to walk around and suck up the awesomeness of the night. Walked down Boat Quay and then Clarke Quay, took the last bus home and lepak somemore under the block just behind my house til 3:30am.

[ Amni, me and my cuzzies ]

[ Bestie, her sis and moi ]

[ The cuzzies ]

It was a pity that I got toally lazy and on the other hand my cuzzies got very jakun-ed by the nightlife at Boat Quay and Clarke Quay, hence the lack of pictures.

Sunday afternoon my other nieces and nephew came over supposedly to watch DORM but the VCD I bought seemed to play a different story altogether. There wasn't even any dorm scene in it. Well, that's what you get when you buy pirated VCDs la. My bad. Cousin left in the evening, after which off I went to Eunos for a meeting with my SGDM committee.

Events, especially metal events, are hard. Very hard. Sponsorhips is the main thing, especially when you have zero budget to start off. And being "metal", the tainted image is very difficult to rub off. Nonetheless I am very proud with my comittee members. They have faith and passion and so shall I. This gig is gonna be a success! Pray for me ok =)

Past few nights have been somewhat hard for me. Nothing serious, just that our meetings ran late which resulted in me walking back home alone at 2 in the morning, and smoking lots and lots of fags. How the hell am I gonna get well man. Still coughing, although it has improved alot as compared to 3 days back. But my continued smoking frenzy isn't gonna make it any better. I'm trying...

Finally I got my hands on the movie Heart, which everybody is talking about. Irwansyah is so cute la. Reminds me abit of Ariel from Peterpan but Irwansyah is way cuter, and younger la of course. Let's not talk about my rection to that show. I was left in bitter tears. Things a best friend would do for the sake of their friend's happiness. *boohoohoo*

Joshua Zulfiqar, jiayou! 4 papers and fly fly fly back to SG you will be! *yoda style* hehehe.

Endnote;
Bila kita mencintai yang lain, mungkinkah hati ini akan tegar?

Yey

2006-12-01T23:03:00.000+08:00

Happy December peeps!!

How time flies, it's already December and a month to go before we step into 2007. I've got about a month plus of holidays and thus far I haven't found anything substantial to do. Damned I feel sooo lazy but my resources are running super low! bleurgh.

SSO Babies Proms Day 1 was alright, it's a breeze actually. I get paid to park prams(think valet) and baby watch. So fun! And I found my eyecandy, this little chinese boy with dimples who wore blue long-sleeved POLO shirt. Branded okay! And he's super super cute la. *swoons* heh. Nono, I'm no paedophile, I think. =)

I can't wait for tomorrow's day out with my cuzzies. Seoul Garden, window shopping, and perhaps a drive to Changi Village at night. If that's too much of a hassle, we'll just hang out at Raimah with spring chicken. hehehe.

Ok go.

Endnote;
18/12/06, return of the JZuL. yey.

Sentosa, Efa

2006-11-30T19:02:00.000+08:00

Updates! Updates!

Well ok nothing much actually, just an update on the Sentosa outing I had with my nieces, nephew and cousin two days back. Being a Singaporean, I can say that Sentosa is a good way to attract tourists, and locals alike. I wonder how it would be like when the IRs are ready, whether the visitorship to Sentosa would be affected. It's super packed now man!

The last time I went to Sentosa was a year back, with the Indon boys of Prosatanica and my sisters of metal. hahaha. Things haven't changed much. Actually we only spent time at Palawan Beach and the Magical Fountain thereafter but I got more out of this trip la. The Skyride and luge were awsome! The scenery up there (Imbiah Peak) is superb I tell you, and feeling the wind brush against my cheeks is simply breathtaking. I'd very much like to go up the Carlsberg Tower but alas, money matters. Furthermore I had the kids with me so I guess it isn't very appropriate. *Hint hint Josh* Besides that, we decided to "throw" our money away at Cinemania and 4D Magix. It pinches the pocket because it's too expensive but it's fine I guess, coz we had fun shouting and getting "stung by bees". hahahaha. To end the night, we went to the Magical Fountain and got awed(again) by the laser works and the cute monkey Kiki.

At the end of the day, the crowd was overwhelming and the queue for the shuttle bus was super long so we decided to walk all the way back to Harbourfront. I think it saved us lots of time, and at the same time we got to exercise. Well, that's for me la. I think the rest are fit enough. hahaha. Shouting our hearts out at the Sentosa Bridge, taking the wrong trams, swaying around in the super crowded blue line bus and getting a typical Singaporean annoyed look, eating hotdogs and fish fillet at Palawan, playing mother hen and camwhoring, it was a great day spent with my kiddies. :)

After all's said and done, here are some of the pictures we took. Didn't manage to take more because let me remind you, I'm a camwhore, not a photographer. hahaha. Perhaps another time ya.

[ Haikal cuz and me ]

[ Lisa . Nazirah . Danial ]

[ Nadiah . Lina ]

[ Suspended Bridge @ Palawan Beach ]

[ Palawan Beach ]

[ Camwhoring at the tram station ]

[ Danial is appalled by my cockyness @ the Magical Fountain ]

Ok that's all for Sentosa.

I went to the Victoria Concert Hall yesterday for the Babies Proms briefing with Jules and we decided to drop by Starbucks @ OCBC Centre after that to chill. Little did I expect to meet anyone but upon entering Starbucks, I just got this urge to look for seats outside(so I can smoke la what else) and I saw a familiar face. Both of us were not sure initially but after muttering each other's names from afar, both AIYA lovers we united. Cheyyy macam fairytale la.

Yalah it was somewhat like a fairytale coz this is the very first time I meet Efa. The previous time we had the outing planned, she couldn't make it so I just met Vivian then. Next would be Nix, the last time we spoke she said she got a job in SG. Now time for me to go to KL and meet Sabrina and Sharon, then to Phils to meet Katz and Sheila. AIYA reunion la, since the show and the website itself is already as good as non-existent. Ehh what happened to the forum man!! So many spammers!

A great weekend planned out with my cousins.
Sleepover babeh!!!
Say yeyyyy!~

Will update again soon.

Endnote;
I want some Ben & Jerrys please!

Cheem ar cheeemmm...

2006-11-27T21:42:00.000+08:00

I just spent a spankin $56 for my visit to the doctor's. Dammit! I'd rather spend that money on a pair of jeans from DP or some discounted item at M&S. bleurgh! But he's damned good la hor. I didn't need to tell him but he automatically told me to stop smoking. Wahh how he know ar? Apparently my cough is getting really bad that I'm wheezing now due to the blockages of phlegm in my lungs. Aaaarrgghhh! *haaakkk ptuiii!*

Ok she's looooooosing it.

So anyways I made babyboy leave his books to chat up with me last night but the good thing is that we were talking about studies. hahaha. So I was asking him what exams were coming up and what he told me made me feel so stupid, with the "wahhh so cheeem ar" kinda reaction.

7th - Macroeconomic Analysis for Business Decisions
8th - Third World Negotiations
11th - Theories of War
12th - Law & Finance

WTF!!! Macroecons is oklah I think because I've been there and done that, but analysizing business decisions through macroecons? Ermmm...yea ok. Third World Negotiations and Theories of War? Adoi apa ini? Somehow I visualize Nelson Mandela and Hitler sitting in a room, trying to discuss on a treaty and those other things like Marxism or something. hehe goes to show how clueless and stupid I am. The last paper is acceptable la coz it's not that scary and I've done parts of both law and finance before.

All the best Joshie!

Ok now I wanna sleep. It's only 10pm but there's nothing on TV. Well there's the Ms World swinsuit thingy but blahhh, all skeletons walking down the runway so I'll pass. And anyways I've got a long day tomorrow with my lil nieces, nephews and cousin. SENTOSA!

weeeeeeeeeee.....

Endnote;
why do you call me, when you know I can't answer the phone? the weakness in me.

Very random ungodly hour post

2006-11-25T04:33:00.000+08:00

This is gonna be a very random post ok, so bear with me.

Blogging at such an ungodly hour simply means one thing, or perhaps two. One- Sir Insomnia is back to haunt me, or two- my body systems are going bonkers on me. I'd go with the latter though. Mixing red wine and liquor was a no-no. Yana is sucha liar. Just less than two weeks back she got tipsy on Tiger beer and red wine and promised that that would be her last, but just hours ago she's chugged vodka and wine. And yea ciggies baby! What an ass!

My readers would probably be happy right now coz after a brief hiatus, I'm back with multiple entries. But I believe this is gonna be another one of those shortlived blogging frenzy days. Oh wells, at least you guys have something to read about, then bitch about later. :)

I think I'm down with tonsilitis, again! I've been coughing like a bitch and my throat fucking hurts right now. And fever! I fucking hate fever, makes me feel super useless. Not that I'm not already useless as it is. bleurgh. But my voice is alright, at least it's normal as compared to my previous tonsilitis which left me with my transverstite sister Lulu aka Lionel's voice. hahahaha. Yana is sick-ed = yanaSicked, pun intended! Yea lame I know.

Was on Skype with sugarpops(eewww so meluat) just now and things got better. It's Thanksgiving there, whatever the occasion is, but he's already mugging for his exams which will only start on the 6th of Dec! You see la all these clever studious people, so kancheong! But then again I think this is a norm for general standards. Unlike the general public, it is only ideal for me to start mugging a day before my paper. Classic procrastinator fashion. Oh come on admit it peeps, I'm not alone right? *winks*

Back to sugarpops, okok I shall stop it. Back to Joshua. I'm glad he's doing well; walking on his own, without any support. Jia you! But you ar don't gatal go drive again ok. I'll give you 6 months probation as of December 2006 so you can only drive as of May 2007! This is an order, for safety's sake! Sucha sweetheart, sometimes I wonder what is wrong with me, not appreciating such a lovely person in my life. And I'm still questioning myself on this. When you ask me, "How's Josh?" I'll say, "Ok I guess" or "Dunnolah, can't be bothered." But I am bothered. I hope he is ok, if not very well. No we're not in a relationship, we're just emotionally involved I guess. B can I use the word emotionally involved? Can la eh, you know I know la love.
(PS Ryan: You can go puke now)

Oh man... I've run out of porn to watch! Vomit porn, normal porn, BJs whatever. You might be thinking this girl's whacked out but I think watching porn is normal. What's so good about porn you may ask? I dunno eh. Perhaps when you first watch porn you'll get curious and excited but when you've watched alot of porn, it's actually nothing interesting. For me it's solely the auditory experience which entices me; I get turned on by the moaning and all the ahhhs and urhhhs. Or perhaps if the girl/guy is good-looking then that will be another question altogether. Auditory experience is very important to me; technicality in drumming, vomit sounds etc. Afterall the ear is a very important organ. See no evil, speak no evil, think no evil, do no evil- it's all your personal values, whether or not you wanna see, tell, process or act. But it's very difficult to hear no evil because it comes from someone else and cannot be avoided. You can't simply put cotton in your ears and say you hear no evil. You can pretend to not hear, but you will eventually.

Waddahell, porn to evil? Told you I'm very random.

Ok what else?

I've been listening to Christina Aguilera's Hurt as well as Joan Armatrading's The Weakness In Me. Super touching songs, makes me wanna bawl my eyes out but no I'm not that crybaby-ish. Downloaded a few Britney Spears' older tracks and Backstreet Boys' as well. Back to the late 90s man, to those days when boybands and lip-syncing female singers rule the music industry. Nothing wrong in going back to a familiar domain right? :)

Hmmph ok the cough medicine is starting to kick in. Woozy woozy.

Ok before I end, here's something lame courtesy of Sheena.
What do you call a castrated Russian?
...
....
.....
......
.......
Vladmir Kachakokov (cut-ya-cock-off)

:)

Peace out yo!

Endnote;
Zilch. yawnzzz....

For darling babyboy & pt2

2006-11-24T14:54:00.000+08:00

Pt. 1
2:30pm

Sometimes words which are intended to improve situations come out so wrong it makes things worst instead. It was never my intention to hurt you over and again, never. Believe me when I say that I'm trying my best to take things one at a time and accept the realities that's coming my way. It's not easy.

You said it yourself, I'm just a spoilt, selfish brat who had things going easy for me. I admit, I am. I never understood hardship, I never understood the simple meaning of independance. But I understood that it took you a whole lot of courage to come clean with me about your condition. I understood how much you had to go through the past year. I understand the meaning of pain and being hurt. And that's the reason to why I can't do this, even for your sake. Because I can never be like you. I can never be strong enough. Understanding is just a part of this, I have a long way to go.

Blame it on my phobia, blame it on my fear. It's just my mental state. Emotionally, physically, psychologically, I am not prepared. Please give me another chance, chance(s) if possible. At least give yourself a chance to understand me. Me, the conceited, selfish spoilt brat.

"... there's nothing I wouldn't do to have just one more chance to look into your eyes and see you looking back. i'm sorry for blaming you for eveything I just couldn't do. if I just had one more day, I'd tell you how much I've missed you since you've been away, and I've hurt myself by hurting you..."

Endnote;
I know deep within my heart, it doesn't matter if it's wrong or right, I need you.

* * * * * * * * * *

Pt. 2
11:38pm

Just got back from the Arts Management BBQ thingy. So much for interaction, there wasn't much between the 3 levels but it was somewhat a segregation between the levels. Level 2 attendance was very pathetic I'd have to say but we had our fun. Think red wine and Vodka Raspberry courtesy of Abang which Cheryl "spiked" into our drinks. hahahaha. And of course cramping 6 of us into Sheena's VW Beetle and going round Changi looking for bapoks and yaya-oh OCH hunt(which didn't happen btw).

Now on to a serious note and to touch abit on my previous post. I really don't understand hardship and I'm ashamed. Sometimes just talking to that cousin can touch me so deep. He's lost his mom, his elder siblings are both married and living their own lives, father got married to a wayy younger girl and he's all alone now. And to think that just about a year or so back, he went through that particular "labyrinth" in his life. We were on MSN and he said, "babe, I lapar la" and my heart just sank. If his place is like 5 minutes away I would go there to bring him food. I have lots in my fridge anyways, hence my eating habits. And sometimes I throw tantrums just because the chicken in the soup is cut into small pieces, or the soy sauce is too salty when it is actually my fault for putting too much of it into my dish. He on the other hand, is getting thinner and thinner. Nobody to take care of his food, well-being or even feelings. I just don't want him to go back to his old habits and destroy himself coz he's got a bright future ahead of him.

Oh wells, he is smart enough and I really do hope he takes care of himself.

We had some lucky draw just now and was supposed to pick cards. Being me, I did my eenie meenie mineey mo thing but to J.O.S.H.U.A.Z.U.L.F.I.Q.A.R and guess what, I won a Nero burning-ROM set! Oklah not very extravagant but at least I won something okay!

B you are my lucky star. I know I've been an ass alot of times but I beg you not to hate me. Because I know that hating me only means hating yourself so stop inflicting self-torture onto each other. Life is short and you know that so let's live life to the fullest. I can't wait for your return this Christmas! First destination, Fort Road okay? Love.

Endnote;
i'm surprised that you've never been told before that you're priceless and you're precious even when you are not new. ...

Ryan

2006-11-21T23:12:00.000+08:00

Damned @!*%$*$^$#@*^# RYAN!!!
heh.

[edit] the following paragraph is a copy and paste portion direct from MSN at 10:57pm so if excuse the omittence of some text coz I'm too lazy to re-edit. [/edit]

RyZuL welcome.to.the.black.parade. says:
mmmmaaaiiihhaaarrtttbleeeeedssnooomoooorrreeee!!!!!
<<>> says:
eh gimme back la
<<>> says:
i come take now ok?
RyZuL welcome.to.the.black.parade. says:
will get abang to send it over later
<<>> says:
huh what? abang is back?
RyZuL welcome.to.the.black.parade. says:
yes infact hes rite behind me now
<<>> says:
oi bedekkkkk laaaa siakkkkk
<<>> says:
aaarrrrggghhhhhh!!!!!
RyZuL welcome.to.the.black.parade. says:
abe percaya?
<<>> says:
kanina kasi org excited je tau
RyZuL welcome.to.the.black.parade. says:
hahahahaha so much for denial huh kak liyana?
<<>> says:
shuttap la.
<<>> says:
will pick up the phone from u tmr
RyZuL welcome.to.the.black.parade. says:
ok sure btw abang did call ur mobile la just now, and a few others as well.
RyZuL welcome.to.the.black.parade. says:
u very popular eh?
RyZuL welcome.to.the.black.parade. says:
i switched off ur phone tau
<<>> says:
of coz, I am indeed LIYANA. wuahaahaha.
RyZuL welcome.to.the.black.parade. says:
ah please do me a favour.
RyZuL welcome.to.the.black.parade. says:
Stop shiok sendiri-ing ok

You are soooooooo gonna get it from it tomorrow Ryan Zulhelmy Lee! Joshua Zulfiqar Lee, please take note. I want a revenge!!!! :)

Will post more soon.

Endnote;
Yes denial is a sham. :)

Reflection stuff pt. 1 & EDC, Colic, SGDFest and MnS

2006-11-17T23:56:00.000+08:00

Pt. 1
12:32am

The topic of clubbing, getting drunk and boyfriends came up when Kakak, sexybabe and myself were chilling at Kallang Macs just now. I thought about the first two issues and it occured to me that I don't have much to share on those topics. Coz one, my clubbing days were shortlived (Jams2000) and two, I rarely get drunk. Or at least I only remember that very one occasion I got drunk til I am clueless to who brought me home and left me infront of my gate the next day.

But of course I do remember vividly on how someone got so drunk he threw up all over his Tucson and I had to drive us home, without my specs! And being an emetophile as well as a concerned girlfriend at that point, I managed to get him home safely, tuck him into bed, clean up his car and walk home myself at 4:30am. Yes walk. But it was all worthwhile because the very next day you appeared infront of my gate at exactly 11:42pm with a cup of green apple slurpee in one hand and something else I shall not disclose in the other. Just so you know, it's been with me since then eventhough we're no longer together.

Eh I realised I've been very feely and emo lately.
Why? I also dunno.

But anyways sexybabe if you're reading this, tag me the next time you visit ok. And no worries babe, all's cool. Poppycock is goot aye? hehehe.

Babyboy, I'm missing you.

Endnote;
Toffeenut Frapp is sinful. S-I-N-F-U-L-L!!!

* * * * * * * * * *

Pt 2.
11:56pm

Have you guys read EDC's blog lately? If not, go chek it out. I especially am amused with the post about his Lil Ele and its adventures with daddy. hahaha. Damned adorable la EDC!

COLIC was superb! Thai horror flicks are da bomb I tell you, especially for a scaredy cat like moi. Me and Ping practicallly pulled our shirts up to cover our eyes at some scenes. Do go catch it if you have the time and money ok. It's a recommendation.

The programming and organising for SG Deathmetal Fest starts as of now. It's been quite sometime since I last got my hands into the metal scene but I guess it's time I make a comeback. I don't wanna rake the past(damned my $350 burned) but I am somewhat skeptical about this project. I'm not putting high hopes on it, but I'd very much like to get it over and done with without any conflicts and yada yada. And this being the very first DM Fest, let's not get too ambitious and treat this as just "testing the waters".

Marks & Spencers galore for me again today. I need to get my hands on $79 and get this really hot lacy sleeved top. More cash would only mean more additions to my wardrobe. Oh yea, the hot black wedges too!

Monay monay monay!!!

The one I'm dying for. heh.

So before anyone of you puke at the so-unsightly pics of mine, I'll just end here.
Cherios.

Endnote;
Mos Burger Coffee shake, please.

Reflection, EDC and monay

2006-11-16T10:27:00.000+08:00

There's always a reason to why things happen. Perhaps you should reflect and ask yourself why such things happen and you'll reach to a conclusion that you are the one who at least sparked it off. And think before you shoot your mouth off, because it's only probably gonna make things worst as anger and rage simply means you'll talk without thinking.

You feel betrayed, mistrust, whatever. Why? Have you betrayed someone before? Have you not trusted anyone before? You'll understand why eventually.

You wanna put me down, fine. I shall keep up with it. But just remember that I may forgive, I will never forget.

"I get knocked down but I get up again You're never going to keep me down... I'll be singing when I'm winning..."

On another note, I can't wait for this Sunday. 9pm, channel U. Presenting Edison Chen in A1! But eh, I won't be in Singapore this weekend la!
bleah.

2 days of work under the SEF is done. Now on to something else. FOH tonight in school and I'm going back to NAC tomorrow. I need monay monay monay! heh.

I'm missing my AIYA people.
My Tanglin ESOs.
And JZL as well.

Endnote;
lalalalalala...

To whom it may concern

2006-11-15T18:15:00.000+08:00

HAHAHAHA!!!!

I just wanna laugh til my head drops off! Human stupidity can be damned hilarious at times.

You don't know that I know, don't you? But I'm pretending that I don't know so you don't know that I know. But for a fact, I've long known about it so balls to you.
blahblahblahblah

And don't judge me on the outside.
I've admitted that I AM indeed a pathological liar.
So like it or not, I'm just like you.
Bitchy, stupid, manipulative and an equal FUCKTARD.

So don't blame the good people.
Blame yoursel(ves).
Coz you said it yourself...
WHAT GOES AROUND COMES AROUND.

And anyways, who am I compared to you, right?
*winkz*

Endnote;
After much thought, why should I stoop down to your level?

Sneak pics

2006-11-13T10:59:00.000+08:00

SNEAK PICS!
SB2006 Closing Party @ Tanglin Camp
12th November 2006

[ YiLiang.me.Carmen.Robin.PJ ]

[ Kosh.GF.me.Charlene.Herny ]

[ Kush.me.Robin.PJ.YiLiang ]

[ Morris.dunnnowhatshername.YiLiang.me.SBusuncle.Lisa.Annette ]

Food sucked.
Actually there weren't any by the time we arrived!
hahaha.

Nonetheless the company's awesome.
Kudos to Singapore Biennale 2006!
Here's to the newfound friendship and love for the Arts!

Endnote;
Yourstruly never felt so fine!

Tipsy talks

2006-11-12T23:54:00.000+08:00

2 cans of Tiger, 3 cups of wine and 4 sticks of fags and I'm swaying away.
I've turned lame, and tame.

These things are not for you anymore Yana.
Keep that in mind.

Nonetheless thanks to my sober boys for keeping me sane and safely home.

On another note I think I got what I wanted.
Contacts.
So all's good.

Another long day tomorrow and 2 more days of sheer stress coming my way.

Endnote;
I swear I'm gonna get a massive hangover tomorrow morning! Help!!!

Brighter side

2006-11-07T21:06:00.000+08:00

Syukur alhamdulillah...

School's out and the Biennale is ending soon so things are much more relaxed these days. The people at Tanglin Camp have been a great bunch and it saddens me that there's only a few days left to the ending of the event. I got an offer from Singapore Dance Theatre; some logistics stuff which would last for a month but I rejected it because I want some time off for the time being. Maybe I'll apply at NAC or NMOS.

Can't wait for the closing party at Tanglin this Sunday!

I'll be back with more updates soon. I'm off to sleep now, to make up for all the loss of sleeptime for the past 4 months! Toodles.

Endnote;
"Ini muka penuh luka, siapa punya?" - Chairil Anwar.

Thoughts

2006-11-06T03:10:00.000+08:00

It's 3am. Sing with me, ...pukul tiga pagi, tidurlah adikku...

bleah.

The freaking last assignment for the semester is due in a few hours but in usual procrastinator fashion, I am YET to start typing my first line. I'm just so tired, tired from all the shit that's happening. So lazy, lazy to entertain human behaviour for this world is turning into one huge crcus. So sick, sick of all the crap talking and backstabs. So weak, weak from all the vomitting and a very dysfunctional system. My hand's trembling, my stomach's cramping, my brains totally weakened. But what's worst is my aching heart.

I miss him.
His touch, his smile, his embrace.
But I yearn for one thing... his forgiveness.

His condition worries me and as much as I would like to run away from it all, I do still wanna be there for him til the very end. Perhaps I've finally understood my fear of accepting. It is the fear of losing. Things don't look very promising for him, and I don't mean his paralysis. One after another, his body is failing him. It seems that life's screwing with him even more than it's been screwing me. And to make it worst, I had to rub it in his face by leaving him in the lurch. At times like this I wish I was around to make him feel better, or at least just be there for him as support. Only time will determine his suffering, and God.

I taste a constant sickness in my throat. What have I turned into? Consequences changed me, I'd say. But by the end of the day it boils down to my very own standing isn't it? So why am I still searching for excuses?

The word death scares me, just a lil. I am not afraid to face death, for I know everyone would face it and my time is already set written somewhere. But I am afraid for death means a loss. And although the basic analogy of death applies to all, I am just not ready to let go of something, or someone so dear. But death is unavoidable, God decides when.

Ashadu'alla ilaa ha illallah, wa ashadu'anna muhammadarasullullah...

Life's weakened me. Love's made me numb. Feeling are enraged, but at the same time I'm void.

It's time I get crackin.

Endnote;
Blue skies blue skies.

Just pics and let it decide

2006-11-05T01:54:00.000+08:00

* * * * * * * * * *

It's weird how my face is getting fairer but the rest of my body is still the same.

Endnote;
Searching for solace, stressing for pain.

MnS frenzy

2006-11-04T09:25:00.000+08:00

My shift at Tanglin yesterday was smooth. Finally made friends with the ESOs there, as well as the canteen auntie. I want fish nuggets next week okay!! RenRong, you want fish FISHHH nuggets? hahaha. If you look at the contents of the Volunteer Comm Book, you will see my handwriting ALOT. More next week yo!

Anyways, some free advert for my nice people at SB2006.
FREE ENTRY FOR ALL TIL 12/11!!
So come everyone, give us your support!

Went Marks&Spencers frenzy yesterday with Juni. I ended up buying a top which costs me $35. I'm like buying stuff every other day man, not good. I shall stop and start saving. Yea right, let's just wait and see. hahaha.

So here are some pics.

Ok I realised my pose was all the same.
hahaha.
Sorryla, not model material la.

Such bliss.

Endnote;
Corn is love.

This pale pretense

2006-11-02T22:21:00.000+08:00

Excuse me coz this is gonna be another one of those negative posts, again. As weird as this may sound, I'm missing all the hectic datelines and jobs which once made me cringe due to its madness. But at least then, it got my mind off the little gritty detalis of this shitty reality.

Relationships, friendships, kinship...
BOLLOCKS TO ALL!

I'm tired of the human traits. I'm not claiming that I'm perfect, infact I'm far from that. But I'm trying my best to improve situations. Perhaps I'm just jaded with the word called "pretense". I don't know who to trust anymore. I don't know who to talk to anymore. I don't know if I should even discuss this issue here anymore.

To my malay LaSalle peeps who are reading this, I apologise because I simply refuse to join you guys for the Raya outing. Don't ask me for reasons. I'm taking the easy way out. There are too many pretencious and hypocritical people in there and I appreciate it if you leave me out of the picture. No hard feelings, nor personal attacks to anyone. It's just MY choice and I do sincerely hope you guys enjoy yourselves that day.

I wanna destroy something, or kill someone perhaps. Well infact I've got a very good candidate to attack. I guess I don't even have to explain further. I haven't done this for a long time, but it is time I start on my Panadol abuse. You know, just to get the kick out of it. And throwing up has now a different purpose altogether. It was initially a plan to lose some pounds, but now to release some anger and hatred and whatever bad vibes there are.

So I question all you general public and my fellow blog readers. What's happening behind closed doors? I can only speculate yours, and you speculate mine.

However amidst all this pale pretense, I really do love you guys. You know who you are. Thank you for making me sane at times of my insanity.

Endnote:
On second thought, perhaps I should just SHUT THE FUCK UP and stop whining like a lil bitch!

Fail, bitch, screw everything

2006-10-31T09:38:00.000+08:00

The presentation yesterday was a straight out failure okay! So much work, so much talk, no substance at all in the end. Typical isn't it? Now one party's pissed off, the other would probably be neglected, and yours truly is caught in the fucking middle, again. Kanina. Explains the whole freaking idea of my previous post.

But all's good for now I guess. School's out, just one more assigment due next week so I'll stat on it and just hand that freaking thing up as soon as possible. But then again, knowing that yours truly is an expert procrastinator, I bet you I'll only start on it the night before.

Oh whatever la.

Hafiz, Jules and Robin saved me from misery, and not forgetting the incredible sale at Dorothy Perkins. Now I'm feeling much much better. Screw the rest.

Screw the upload photo command as well. Blogger needs a major maintanence!

Endnote;
Why are there so many songs about rainbows, and what's on the other side?

Anger rage

2006-10-30T00:36:00.000+08:00

I can't help feeling that I have failed terribly as a person. Relationships, friendships and even kinship. My life is so WTF although you may see me smiling most of the time and making myself appear silly. I try my fucking best to push all the negativities aside but by the end of the day, it comes back to haunt me.

I'm just fucking sick of people in school. LaSalle was a dream for me and to fulfil that dream was the ultimatum but day by day, friendships gets strained and shit. Groupworks are more shit. I'm not saying that this applies to everyone but working with the same people over and again is really stressing the shit outta me. But it's all only a state of mind, whether or not I wanna get affected by all that's happening around me at the same time.

Sometimes I feel it's good to be someone disliked in class; more appropriate would be someone outcasted. People try to avoid you as if you're carrying some deadly disease, and they leave you to yourself. You won't have ties with anyone; school is school, other than that you're in the dark. But of course when you desperately need a shoulder to cry on, there's nobody there. So it's neither here nor there.

I also don't understand how some people can be so beautiful on the outside but worst than shit on the inside. I'm shit both inside and outside, and I know that for sure coz it's my life. I have people telling me that eventhough I'm not exactly aesthetically perfect, I am the best thing that can happen to them. But that's bullshit. Excuse me for my negativity but what's your motive for saying all that to me? Praise me and make me feel good about myself so I'll make you feel good about yourself as well? Wrong move. I know what is a genuine praise and what is not, afterall I too, am a manipulator. I am nice, yes. I am nice to people who are nice to me. And I'll do anything for you if you can give me that inner comfort that I so am lacking right now. What I have now are insecurities, hatred and just sheer jadedness. I'm just tired of all the pretense.

I just can't wait for these two things to happen.
1. School vacation so I don't have to see those certain fucktards in class.
2. My sis-in-law and her mother to fucking kill themselves

I'm seriously shit if you know me. And seriously when I get physical, nobody can stop me. Have you ever been possessed? I have, by my very own anger. And again I say this, I am willing to die for my family, no questions asked.

Endnote;
Take me to another place, where skies are blue and happiness are aplenty.

Pixxies and such

2006-10-29T09:44:00.000+08:00

Ignore my previous post please. It's just one of those days ya know. But I'm back and dandy yo.

So anyways here are some pics taken at Tanglin Camp 2 days back. Credits to RenRong.

[ Fries is goooootttt. ]

[ When one camwhore meets a camfreak, even smoking and phone-ing isn't spared! ]

[ Yours truly and her camwhore accomplice. ]

[ Ice cream, which melts like U.K Shyam running a 10m race. ]

[ Again, camwhore and camfreak work in action. ]

[ Uncle Morries and me! Anyone hasn't seen my highlighted hair? You can see it in this picture. ]

[ Uncle Morries and me again. SB2006 CROs unite! ]

Ok enough for Friday. Went to school to finish up Mary's preparation for presentation yesterday til like 6pm, only to find my dearest cuzzie from KL waiting for me. No time to do much but a few pictures suffice the memories.

[ Me and Ira in our baju kurung stuff. ]

Yea that's about all for today. I'm not sure what's going to happen today but presentation tomorrow fucks! And after that, I'm left with only one more freaking assignment! Weeeee.....

Endnote;
Dear *spits* sis-in-fucking-law *spits*, hope you get admitted to the asylum soon. Coz really, you belong there together with you two-faced bitch mother, perfectly. Fucktards!

My day

2006-10-27T23:59:00.000+08:00

Ok today is like one of the best days I've had within the month, but it ended with a downfall. Firstly I had a really fun colleague at the Biennale today. Shoutouts to Ren Rong, my fellow camwhore! The smokes were good, the migraine was not, but all's fine. Yes yes, Texas Reds is back.

But all that aside, luck and/or lust must have been on my side jst hours back because once I logged on MSN, Didi prompted me. About 5 minutes later, Mahat prompted me. And about a mere 2 minutes or so after, Joshua prompted me. Bliss. All my beloved boys, my memorable past.

Now all of them are offline. Didi's gone jogging, Mahat's probably on the phone with his other half and Joshua is off to lecture. And I'm feeling lonely, very. Emo la babe!

Random: Sometimes the very person who you've thought possessed the fullest confidence is actually the one with the lowest. What you see on the outside is just a ploy to hide their insecurities and lack of self confidence. And you never know what they do behind closed doors.

bleah.

Endnote:
I wish I could be every little thing you wanted... all the time.

Wonderfulness

2006-10-26T01:01:00.000+08:00

Yippedee doo daaaa, yippedee yey!
Wonderful feeling, wonderful day!~

Approximately 63 hours without sleep and I survived so yey! Managed to complete my freaking assignments and handed them up this morning. Now a heavy load is lifted off my shoulders, at an instant. To top that up, I spent my day with my 2 husbands going shopping and chilling at Starbucks for fun's sake. Had a great time sayangs, we should do this more often ok.

Working at National Museum in the morning, and then followed by a meeting with my groupmates for my very last presentation for the semester. Will go get some sleep now, or else I'll turn cuckoo. I promise I'll update on my Raya stuff when I bother okay peeps?

*yawnz*

Shieeettt

2006-10-23T15:49:00.000+08:00

Can I bitch and whine about how shitty I feel right now? Damned proscatination la! I hate this trait! I've been trying to start on my assignments and thus far I've only done my Reflective Journal, halfway! I dunno, I can't concentrate at all. Not that I have loads of other stuff to do, infact my mom was nice enough to spare me from all the housework to prepare for Raya. But whaddahell am I doing!!!!

Aaaaaarrrggggghhhhh!!!!

HEEELLLLLPPPPPPP!!!

Procrastination is king pt 3, Swades, assignments and moi hair

2006-10-21T17:58:00.000+08:00

It seems that the more you sleep, the sleepier you get. I'm feeling sleepy right now even when I've had so much sleep for the day already. Balme it on the fever I'd love to say but it has indeed subsided so that's no excuse.

Anyways the procrastination bug is here to stay! I tell you, these bugs are really hardworking coz it's the festive season and they're supposed to be on holidays but no, they still attack. Blah.

Handed up my Visual Arts yesterday so I've got 4 more. Let me take it in a positive way, 1 down, 4 to go. hahahaha. Pelan-pelan kayuh. I vow to finish my Reflective Journal and Mary's Artist Management essays by tomorrow so I can concentrate on Dance and Arts&Interpretation on Monday. Then and ONLY then I'll be able to celebrate my Raya this coming Tuesday.

Oh ya, Happy Deepavali la dey.

I'm watching Swades right now on Vasantham. I love this show. Ok I love most hindustan shows la, especially those with Shah Rukh. This show is about Shah Rukh, who is an architect or engineer or something, who got sent to another part of India where they're experiencing draught and people are living in poverty and he had to think of some ways and means to get water for them. In the end he built a dam and generated water for that country. That's a summary of the show if I'm not mistaken la. It's been long since I last watched it. However, Swades won some pretty dope awards somewhere, can't remember though. It would be nice if they screen Kal Ho Naa Ho, Im gonna bawl my eyes out! They're also gonna screen Bollywood Hollywood tomorrow but I'll be working then so I doubt I'll be able to catch it.

You see la, day after Deepavali I'm working, day after Raya, I got 4 freaking assignments to hand up. Talk about no life. Oh I forgot, I live the life of a procrastinator so I'm not gonna complaint. It's my bad.

Ok what else?

I freaking gained 0.7kg today okay! So fucking irritating. But I think it's fine la, as long as I can still fit into that gorgeous kebaya this Raya.

Ok here's a pic of my hair, and ermm... me. It's not very visible but if you flap, you can see it. Copper reds okay.

Endnote;
I want some plain ghabi (or whatever you name that Indian sweet is) please, nandri.

Skeptic, panic and other random-ics

2006-10-19T23:59:00.000+08:00

Why is it that I'm not excited with the fact that Raya is just a few days to go? Perhaps it's because of the assignments I'd have to submit the day after that, or is there just a total lack of atmosphere this year? Things are kinda screwed in the family right now, I mean my brother's plight. Hope things would be fine soon; somehow or rather, I am skeptical, very. I gotta lay low on my revenge.

Typical of me, but now I'm starting to panic coz Visual Arts is due tomorrow. Artist Management 1 would be postponed to next Wednesday so that means I have more time. But then again, I'll have to hand up a total of 4 assignment then! Fuhhh maut!

Chill kan?
Kan dah jadi chill-aka.
(read: cilaka)
heh.

Got home just before midnight yesterday coz we got held up with the recording for Uan. Plan gone wrong actually but I guess we'll pull through. We have really strong-willed people in this group, me included. As for today, I watched "Aspirations" by NAFA dance department. I shall not do a review coz I'll be doing that anyways for my assignment. B.O. aside, it was a good show. At least I think it's better than "Moments" because I could understand what's going on. No hard feelings John Mead, I still cannot fathom modern dance.

After which, me and Kush went to City Hall to view the Biennale stuff. This time round I got to really play around and dig deeper into each artwork. The only sad part is the shortage of time. I tell you, it will take more than 2 hours to cover that mere one level of City Hall okay!

Ok what else? I'm gonna get my hair highlighted tomorrow. Mentel right? And I sure hope I can go for terawih in the next few days coz it is indeed the last days of terawih and I have missed ALOT this year. Haizz I'm very disappointed in myself.

Ok I shall stop procrastinating, or I'll be in freaking deep shit.
Chao ar mano!

Endnote;
Yes, Yana is a good girl.
Danke schon.

Very randon stuff you can skip reading

2006-10-17T00:04:00.000+08:00

The episode of Grey's Anatomy kicked my ass man, it's damned emotional yo. Danny died when Izzie was on her way to meet him. So sad. That's the ending of Season 2, hope they continue with Season 3 next.

McDreamy vs McSteamy? McDreamy for me please. Maybe its the dark hair la kan.
:)

I was taken aback when I got onto the weighing scale this evening coz my weight dropped by 3kg in a day! But of course that was before break fast la, now after I think I gained that 3kg or more back. Let's wait for tomorrow. Hahahaha. Ok sorry, I realised I'm getting obsessed but no EDs involved, it's just so I can fit into that gorgeous lingerie Feizel promised me at Pacific Plaza.

I wanna be a surgeon la, or a GP will do.
In my dreams eh?
Haiyaaa...

Oh Jay Chou, I love your "Twilight's Chapter Seven" MV. Please search me officer, please do. Serious serious people, go watch that MV. Even if you don't get excited like I am right now, just pretend you are la ok.

As of my previous post, I did mention that I've got a weird feeling about something. Still do. Concerns of the heart, but I just don't want to hurt another person. What's happening to me?

Mampoz la, assignment SATU pun aku belom start.
Bismillah je...
Hendak seribu daya, tak hendak seribu dalih.

CAN!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=f4B-r8KJhlE
*teary-eyed*

Endnote;
Jonathan Leong still sings the best rendition of Chasin Cars okay.

Nothing substantial la

2006-10-15T22:28:00.000+08:00

I think Keefe is a really fun guy to hang out with, out of shift that is. Coz we were at the welcoming booth this afternoon and he was telling me how I was a "kentang" just because I couldn't be bothered to entertain the good looking group of malay Vespa mats BUT I was being very helpful to this ang moh guy and he isn't very hot at that. Of course la, I was there with Lin and its obvious we're worlds apart kan. And he kept pushing me to give out the mineral water to every single person who came in, even to those mats who apparently dasar tak puasa.

Kekek la Keefe.
xin nian la hor.

But anyways, today was great la. Just me and Lin on the welcome table, with Keefe dropping by once in awhile to disturb us and the Vespa Mats. So technically speaking Lin and I acted as the information counter, the ticketing officer, merchandiser and babysitter as well coz there were quite a number of kids today. At one point of time we had this customer who was looking for badges and she's carrying her baby niece who's pretty heavy so she asked for help and I took the babygirl out to the steps and all while Lin played around with the slightly elder girl. Cute la hor. And the ang moh kids are damned adorable.

So anyways I don't really have anything substantial to blog about today. Just that it's a surprise that my tagboard's pretty active recently hor. Nevermind la, asal korang bahagia okei. Abang Im, yes Yana is now cina-ted. I've been totally nuts about Jay and Still Fantasy. It's just a phase la, no worries. Talking about Jay, I saw a Jay-looking guy at The Adelphi just now. Excited yo. But of course I am still into Edison. Grudge 2 lohhhh!!! Anyone interested?

Oh oh check this out.
http://www.haque.co.uk
Look for The Open Burble thingy and go find my name and picture in there.

On another note, I've got a weird feeling about something. But I'll keep that under wraps. For now, time to... you know... MY kinda porn okayy.

Ok go.

Endnote;
Twilight's Chapter SEVEN.

Procrastination is king pt 2

2006-10-13T16:32:00.000+08:00

And so the procrastination bug still stays. I haven't done anything as yet, but I did clear my room and sort out all my worksheets with proper filing system. I'm still searching for my box of staplets and whole punch though. Anyone seem them anywhere? Please return them to me, thank you.

hehehehe.

I managed to get the bluetooth adapter for my new phone from my brother. And I managed to upload the songs into my MMC card. Excited abit la. Jay Chou!!! And I was also looking through all my old baju kurungs and such to model them abit and surprise, surprise! I managed to fit into them, even those "tight" ones! Yipeeee!

I don't know the purpose of this entry, just decided to "drop by" je. Will post again later at night or something la ok. Go.

Endnote;
Slayer tonight and I'm going for terawih, alhamdulillah... :)

Conflicts and happy people in picture

2006-10-12T13:00:00.000+08:00

It seems like every normal happy person in my class is stressing out. Well I'm abnormal, and I'm not spared from the stress as well. It is indeed difficult to be in a very competitive environment. Competitive is fine coz afterall we are all competing to make it, but pessimistic, suspicious AND pretencious is not. I'd have to agree with GF on her entry regarding that. It's sad for me to see such a wonderful person to be treated that way.

I always take things easy and avoid conflicts. You don't like me, fine, I won't talk to you and I'll go as far as to not be even near you. If I give you that blank look, it means I can't be bothered. You don't like my work, fine, just make sure you can give me something better. You wanna put me down, fine, but you jolly well prove to me that you're worthy of my respect and I'll accept the fact that I'm second grade. You don't disturb me, I won't disturb you and we'll all live in peace. I know myself and my moodswings. If I know that I'm bound to be unhappy about something, I'll avoid it totally so as not to spark off any conflicts. Not the most approppriate way but at least it works.

bleurgh.

Now on to some happy pictures. Pictures does paint a thousand words, indeed.

[ Us and Mdm Som Said @ Taman Warisan ]

[ Say jiwaaaannnnggggsaaaakkkkkk!! ]

[ Dancers, some totally CANNOT make it ]

[ More shiok sendiri moments ]

[ Happy non-pretencious people ]

You guys, rock.

Endnote;
Yea nigga, wo de huayi power la siak!

Procrastination is king

2006-10-10T23:27:00.000+08:00

I'm glad that Kathy received the package and that she's over excited about it. Now that is what I call gratitute. Sent her the long due Arashic cd as well as Eternal Rain coz I read her blog like last week and she was talking about it so why not a surprise. I'm glad you loved it babe, but please don't get breathless coz I don't want anything to happen to you. hehe.

I am, on the other hand is starting to asphyxiate coz I've been procrastinating on a very heavy scale. I aimed to finish up my Visual Arts assignment by tonight but all I did was go to the library for awhile to research abit and then to Sculpture Square to buy the catalogue for my artist because I was too lazy to copy down my research materials in the library. Other than that, I've been watching TV and listening to Still Fantasy on repeat. So not productive right?

I hate moodswings, MY moodswings. I can be yey-i-am-so-happy one moment and fuck-you-all the other, and I realised I've been trying to kid myself as well. My obsession cum fetish is getting worst and I fear there comes a period of time when I'm turning to ED for comforts. So what's up with that? I dunnolah. I really need to keep myself occupied. Well not that I don't have things to do, apparently the lazy bug has struck me bad and I'm really as good as ice cream not freezed.

Talking about ice cream, I'm craving for some Ben & Jerrys. Harun!!! When la?? Raya k?

Can't wait for Raya in a way, but of course I'm sad that Ramadhan is already halfway gone. I'm just questioning to whether I can actually meet Ramadhan again next year or not. Its just something about this month which makes me feel very errmmm... in touch with my religion. As for Raya, I'm basically anticipating to seeing my cousins. I only have a pair of baju kurung this Raya, just not so excited about it.

I'm damned fortunate coz I've got parents who love me, cousins who simply rule and friends who care, as compared to some of my other friends that is. I know my limits, I follow my ethics, my life's smooth. And I'm also fortunate because I am loved by someone but I have a problem with that. Maybe I'm afraid, maybe commitments freak me out; but one thing's for sure, I am willing to try. Just not now.

Sayang, please understand. You know how our hearts beat as one but hearts change so let time decide. Love is too powerful a word for now, and love is pain so I don't want to hurt you. Afterall I think I've hurt you too much that I'm starting to hurt too. Forgive me.

"... wo zhi dao wo men dou mei you cuo
zhi shi fang shou hui bi jiao hao guo
zui mei de ai qing
hui yi li dai xu..."

I need more retail therapy.

Endnote;
Can we hold hands? Get to the end a bit later.

Retail therapy 02, dance and weight issues

2006-10-09T20:08:00.000+08:00

Another "unintentional" retail therapy day and I got myself a pair of jeans from Dorothy Perkins. I really should stop spending coz I really am blowing my pay and I have yet to get my hair highlighted for Raya and buy that really beautiful Swatch. And of course, that pair of girdle from M&S! But when I think of it, I do feel better being able to fit into more clothes lately. However, it is exactly that ability which is causing such a disability in my bank account. hahaha.

Pssst Ping, I looooovvveee that dress!!!

Ok so anyways, a recap for the past weekend. After blowing just under $100 last Thursday evening on that hot black & white dress, I blew more money on Friday and Saturday! I got myself a pair of "bling-bling" belt, Jay Chou's limited edition Still Fantasy album, a pair of baju kebaya and 3 pairs of kain balik-like bottoms for my other kebaya tops. Unintentional? I don't think so, at all! So mentel right?

Went to Sri Warisan with GF, Jules and Zel yesterday. The session was quite fun, dressing GF and Zel up in costumes and watching the teenagers practising. Really reminds me of those times I was dancing, both modern and traditional Malay dance. I know I know, you might be thinking Liyana dances? Yes I do, but not a very good dancer la. Let's not count those primary school days la but back in secondary school, I was part of the ELDDS and we did stuff for Speech Day and other events. The best was of course the 1999 Speech Day item and the Lindy Hop routine in which I cheoreographed! That's achievement for me man, having someone entrust into me the responsibility of putting together a routine I am unfamiliar with. It turned out pretty good by the end of the day so yea. Went threading with Jules after that. My eyebrows were so all over the place but its nicer now.

Just weighed myself and my body fat percentage has dropped to a 29.7% from a 34.3%! No wonder clothes fit me better now. However it's sad that my weight fluctuates and I'm still obese as it is. We were having a conversation between us girls in class just now during break and Jules was telling everyone about her life story and shit when she said, "I was even fatter than her" and she pointed at me. I wanted to burst out laughing and I saw the faces of Ping and Sheena but we tried to keep a straight face. Like hello, seen the mirror lately? hahaha. I shall not say anything.

Ok nevermind, why am I discussing about my weight here?

So anyways, lots of assignments up my sleeves. I've got 2 due on the 20th and 3 on the 25th, which is just a day after Raya! Goodness gracious! But I think I'll do fine.

Carpe Diem.

Endnote;
Josh baby, all's good but our emotions just clashes. Love.

Retail therapy 01

2006-10-06T11:28:00.000+08:00

Had my first session of retail therapy with Aziela GF and Cheryl. The clothes at Dorothy Perkins are all so hot la! But of course, I stil do be careful because I don't wanna blow my budget. There are ALOT more things that I should buy!

[ I love this top! ]

Well I entered the shop, saw this dress and at an instant I knew I wanted it. hahaha. Girlfriend loved it too so I figured, why not? The best part is, I can fit a 16!

Weeee... that is such a big achievement for me man! I was a size 20 man!

MOMENT was weird. I can't really fathom contemporary modern dance la. However I think the last act was an eye opening one so kudos to John Mead the director and Mei Chian our lecturer and a dancer in that production. She's John Mead's girl yo.

[ Aziela GF, QiaoPing, Juliana, yourstruly, Cheryl before Moment ]

Very kakak-kakak right all of us?

All in all, a good evening spent with my girls. Back to more schoolwork and projects today. Bummer! Will post more soon.

Endnote;
In the dream, you didn't know me. You've let us go already?

Photoblog la siak

2006-10-05T01:50:00.000+08:00

Yeyness! Finally a post with pictures yo! So anyways this is gonna be a long post; oklah not long LONG but just longer than usual so yea, sit tight.

Ok so I've been very occupied with school stuff lately so I have been sleeping late and waking up early. It's turned into some sort of routine somehowe so I'm still up and about for the day (or morning that is)! Artist Management module is quite fun actually, especially when the artist you're managing is willing to co-operate and appreciates your work as well. Not only does he have the fastest hands, he's got attitude and passion just oozing out of him. Check him out! He's playing with WickedAura Batucada and Al-Badouin to name a couple.

[ my "Skunk" percussionist/drummer, Uan ]

I got my pay, yey! Its time for retail therapy people! Anyone interested to join me for a session at Marks & Spencers soon? Lingerie, cute tops and lots of camwhoring in the fitting room! hahahaha.

[ THE top I want from M&S ]

"All I need in this life of sin, is me and my girlfriend, me and my girlfriend..."
Beat THAT, JayZ!

Ok next.
I got tagged by Sabrina to do this so here goes Sab...

Write a blog with six weird facts/things/habits about yourself.

1. Like Sab, I've got an imaginary friend. Actually friend(s). Its weird but they keep me sane.

2. I am emetophilic and it's much more fun putting my fingers down my throat to vomit rather than watch puke vids on youtube.

3. I got this thing for guy's snail's trail. They're sexy la dok. But of course, it depends on which guy la. JLV's tops for now!

4. I think I am so used to talking on the phone or over Skype before I sleep so now when I don't get late night phonecalls or internet calls anymore, I would pretend to have conversations with any random person and then I can sleep.

5. I like to smell stuff like turpentine, markers, glue, paint etc.

6. I'm starting to embrace colours. So THAT is VERY WEIRD! Black is out?

--------------------

Grab the book nearest to you, turn to page 18, and find line 4.
- ... He lifted one dark eyebrow, "Goddamned, you're a rocket scientist!"

Stretch your arm out as far as you can.
- Ahuh, then do what?

What is the last thing you watched on tv?
- E.R

Without looking, guess what time is it?
- 2:15am

Now look look at the clock. what is the actual time?
- 2:18am

With the exception of the computer, what can you hear?
- Law and Order on TV now.

When did you last step outside? what were you doing?
- Around 10pm just now when mum asked for help to get her stuff from the car.

Before you started this survey, what did you look at?
- My picture folder to find pictures to upload, Uan's interview summary, Sab's blog and mySpace.

What are you wearing now?
- Tank top and boyshorts.

Did you dream last night?
- Maybe, I can't remember.

When did you last laugh?
- While listening to Uan's recorded interview.

What is on the walls of the room you are in?
- My noticeboard cum picture board with pictures of my family members and friends, Arts Management class list and tickets to shows I've been to this year.

Seen anything weird lately?
- Oh yes, me Hafiz and Jules were "attacked" by this really hot but DRUNK American-Chinese guy just now. He was talking to us as if he knew us and used the word "fucking" in every sentence. But damned was he HOT la!!

What is the last film you saw?
- I think it's The Lake House. Haven't had time la babes.

If you become a multi-millionaire overnight, what will you buy?
- THAT top from Marks&Spencers! And of course I'll revamp my whole wardrobe, and perhaps invest in some slimming programme. hahaha.

Tell me something about you I don't know
- I bite my nails, critically! And if I can't peel off the nails on my foot, I'll just bite them as well. My teeth is the cutting agent la.

If you could change one thing in the world, regardless of guilt of politics, what would you do?
- I don't give two hoots to politics but I want BBWs to rule the world!

Do you like to dance?
- Yea, in my room la.

George Bush
- Set him on fire?

Imagine your first child is a girl. what would you call her?
- Nur Eva Natasya.

Imagine your first child is a boy. what would you call him?
- Muhd Fiedauzt Danial. Joshua is also good. Joshua Zul-something la.
*psst...miss u*

Would you ever consider living abroad?
- Yea sure. Germany would be good, or America.

I tag:
Juni, Aziela gf and whoever's interested.

--------------------

I've got complimentary tckets for a dance concert, all thanks to Kakak Rina so I'm gonna go watch Moments tomorrow! Men in tights yea!

Ok go.

Endnote;
Pretty people never lie, vampires never die.

Random rantings in the morning

2006-10-02T07:26:00.000+08:00

Attachment and work is secondary at this point but projects are starting to screw with me at a very slow but sadistic pace. It doesn't help when the bond in the group isn't there. And somehow because of that, I have turned into a workaholic who demands perfection, and a total bitch at that. If I'm unhappy with you or your work, I'll just give you that shit face and you figure out how to turn that mood of mine around. I really miss my previous grouping!

In any case, my moodswing's been kinda erratic lately.
So really people, don't push it.

I've been listening to Jonathan Leong's rendition of Chasing Cars lately, on repeat mode mind you. Something about his voice and that song, it just blends, and beautifully at that. Hady Mirza's crowning seemed subtle as compared to Taufik's. Then, it was such a hype and everybody's conversations somewhat consists of the name "Taufik" but not Hady. He doesn't even appear that much on air. Could it be because of Ramadhan? Maybe la eh.

I still heart Jon no matter. <3

As much as my ego is stopping me from typing ths down, I can't fight the urge to.
I miss Josh.
"I don't quite know how to say, how I feel."

I need retail therapy la! To the respective authorities, please gimme gimme gimme my pay ASAP! And the very first place I'll head to is Marks & Spencers to get more lacy boyshorts, padded bras and that grey safari-like top which would burn my pocket at an instant! Damned, I feel good already just thinking about it!

Endnote;
Sometimes I sit staring at the window, watching this world pass me by. Sheesh! So emo ar? hahahahaha.

Chasing Cars

2006-09-30T11:43:00.000+08:00

29 Sep 06, 14:57
josh: if i lay here, if i jez lay here, would you lie wit me and jez ferget the world?

I don't know where
Confused about how as well
Just know that these things will never change for us at all.

Endnote;
Let's waste time chasing cars, my dear.

ACM and 7 songs

2006-09-28T09:45:00.000+08:00

Yesterday's visit to the Asians Civilisation Museum served to be an enrinching one. Entitled Hidden Faces: The Art of Japanese Masks, the exhibition portrays stories of the Japanese history and culture through the masks. Besides that, the other galleries also exhibit stuff from SouthEast Asia, West Asia, the different religions and etc. Check it out if you guys bother ok?

Anyways, I got tagged by Kathy.
So here goes...

INSTRUCTIONS:
List seven songs you are into right now. No matter what the genre, whether they have words or even if they're not any good, but they must be songs you're really enjoying now. Post these instructions in your blog along with your seven songs. Then tag seven other people to see what they're listening to.

(in random order)

1. Hady Mirza - You Give Me Wings
This is like the hottest song in Singapore right now after the crowning of our latest Singapore Idol.

2. Hady Mirza - Through The Fire (cover)
Original by Chaka Khan, Hady did justice to this song. It sounds pitchy at first but when you repeat it again and again, its really beautiful.

3. Jonathan Leong - Chasing Cars (cover)
Original by Snow Patrol, Jonathan did a really sexy version of the song. Oh heck, he's sexy whether or not he sings! We Jonatics are proud of you Jon, no matter!

4. Silverstein - My Heroine
Not much comments, I just like the song.

5. Luther Vandross - Dance With My Father
When I first heard this song, I didn't think much of it until Jonathan Leong sang it. And as days go by, I got hooked to it. The lyrics are beutiful, the composition is soothing, and Luther Vandross' voice is simply angelic. RIP Luther.

6. Jay Chou - Jie Kou
As usual, my favourite Jay song. Me and Rachel have been singing this song whenever we're bored while at work. OT really screws with one's head la, but this song keeps us sane. hahaha.

7. The NESCAFE song.
More like a nightmare to me, Rach and Herny but that song's stuck in our head eversince that event!

I'm not gonna tag anyone else but those who feel like doing, then you're very much welcomed to do so.

Ok then peeps, I'm off to Tanglin in awhile. I got chosen for the interview with a publication company so more work coming my way. And of course, I gotta interview my "artist" for MY assignment. I miss my old group. =(

Endnote;
Versatility is the key.

2006-09-26T10:32:00.000+08:00

Hady won by a 70-30 margin. That's a whole freaking lot of difference man! But seriously I think Hady deserved to win this; his original song kicked ass. So after all's said and done, Singaporeans do want a singer afterall. But no matter what, Jon is still MY idol.

I'm still a certified JONATIC.
hehehe.

Working at Tanglin Camp later. I gotta go check out the aquarium thingy and try to fit into it. hahahaha. And perhaps collect more badges to fill my set of 95.

Carpe Diem

Endnote;
"Let's welcome your new Singapore Idol, Liyana Nurhuda!" heh.

Tired la fuck

2006-09-24T23:04:00.000+08:00

I'm tired, very tired.
My energy's been drained out of me lately due to work commitments and such.
Have only managed to get 3 hours sleep for the past few days.

Sigh.

Hady would probably be the next Singapore Idol, but IF the public decides to choose a singer insted of an idol. Hady can sing damned well and he is versatile enough to carry off any genre. However, he will not be an ideal representation for Singapore in the international market because he cannot speak very well. Jon on the other hand has limited very husky, low vocals but he has the ultimate appeal and sexiness and hotness and whatnotness. To add to that, he can speak very well and would probably be a very good candidate for representation. So to be fair to both deserving parties, 10 votes each from me.

In any case, it doesn't matter who wins now.
I got my dream finals!!!

Presenting the pop culture of drama queen-ism.

Happy fasting you all!
I am. =)

Endnote;
"When you scream, I'll scream with you. But if I lay here, would you lie with me and just forget the world?"

Hafiz, religion and life

2006-09-22T00:46:00.000+08:00

Haven't had the chance to speak to Hafiz eversince school reopened and finally did just now after our shifts for the Singapore Biennale. And as usual, every session with Hafiz would somewhat convert myself to the better side of me. He's younger than me but he's wiser and I feel at ease when I'm with him. Religion really reflects a person I'd have to say.

The fasting month is approaching real soon and it's time I start to control my desires. My pack of Texas done, I'm not planning to get another until say, after Ramadhan? I know it's not proper to somewhat just change for a month and back to my sinful, shitty self after that. But I'm really trying to be a better person now and the least I can do is respect my religion even if I don't diligently conform to it.

I had so much food for dinner just now; once with Hafiz at Tong Seng and then with my parents and cousin at Al-Ameen. My stomach feels cramped and puking didn't help either so I'll just curl up in bed later on and hope it will get better by tomorrow. Would be working for Fujifilm tomorrow and won't be home til very late again I am sure. Although there's cash flow, it has also deprived me of my social life coz all I do is go to school, project meetings, work and sleep. Even sleep is turning into a liability at this point coz I'll be home at 2am in the morning, start work or school at 10am and my weekends would be set aside for project meetings. Seriously no life right?

And being single at this point of time is a good move.
Coz I know commitment is such a difficult thing to fulfil.
I'm sorry.

Endnote;
You don't have to kill me. I just want to break free.

pics, such a bore

2006-09-19T10:13:00.000+08:00

I woke up late and didn't manage to do my Kitsch report. I'll do it now la coz its quite a simple assignment. But now my stomach hurts damned bad and so is my throat. What have I gotten myself into? Fetish turned harmful perhaps. Aaargh!

Going to the library to research Jaafar Latiff later.
bbbboooooooorrrrrriiiiinnnnnggggggg.....

Anyways, some pictures from the NESCAFE Gold Million Smiles Challenge exhibition.

[ Johnson . Sarun . me ]

[ My Thai husband and me ]

[ Herny . me . Rach . Sarun . Colin ]

Thank god the upload picture command is working. If not, I'd ermmmm... get pissed!!

Haizzz...
I'd really love to go back to sleep now but I need to stop procrastinating. Sucks.

Happy Birthday Katz!

Endnote;
Puke is good.

Thanks, drugs and negatives

2006-09-19T00:31:00.000+08:00

Thanks to all those who left me messages and such to wish me, it is very much appreciated. My birthday was spent at work though; hectic but on a happy note. Rach got me gelato and we had Kenny Rogers! Yey!

Got high on Nescafe Gold over the week. Now I know how to taste coffee and my hands are all swollen after the coffee spa. It's supposed to be swollen for 3 days in accordance to the masseuse coz the "blood is travelling". hahaha. And and and... Thai men excite me.

hahahaha.
Ok that was redundant.

Procrastination has taken me over and it's not good coz I have ALOT of assignments due. Not good Yana, NOT good at all. And perhaps I know why my voice is still pretty much the same way for the past month and a half. Its either pneumonia, or my new hobby of purging. Either way, it's a negative.

And I'm fucking pissed coz my upload picture command is still FUCKED.
Uuurghhhh!!!

Endnote;
"You wedding me, I cook for you..."
Sarun my Thai husband.

Birthday

2006-09-14T23:49:00.000+08:00

Its almost midnight and I just came back from my Nescafe event. Infact I worked for both the Biennale and Nescafe today. Haven't been getting enough sleep lately but it's all good I guess. At the least, I'm having so much fun with all the new friends I've made.

Less than 15 minutes to my birthday, as of date that is. But I was born at 3:17am so that makes it about approximately 3 hours and 32 minutes to my birth 22 years ago. Woah, time passes reeeeeeally fast didn't it?

Well thanks to Austin for the birthday tag, Nor from Malaysia and some unknown guy from my mySpace list for the mySpace birthday wish and Mahat for singing me a birthday song as well as playing me my favourite tune on his internet radio. Thanks guys, really appreciate it. And oh, to Jonathan Leong and Hady Mirza as well for making it to the Singapore Idol finals, my DREAM finals I gotta add.

Life's hectic and tough, but I'm contented.
:)

Endnote;
Happy Birthday to ME!!

Some random shit

2006-09-11T02:12:00.000+08:00

I'm damned tired but I can't seem to fall asleep so please bear with me.

My occasional finger down the throat act might have been useful afterall coz my clothes seem to fit better, jeans falling all over and compliments seemed flowing lately. But heck that's a negative coz I don't wanna be bulimic or whatever eating disorder shit victim. And I'm not one of those girls who look into the mirror and constantly see a blob of fat coz really, I can't be bothered. Don't question my intentions, I'll tell you anyways. Being an emetophile, I've always been into all those puke vids/sounds/pics and I get my cheap thrill on youtube and search engines. But after watching those vids/pics, I had the sudden urge to try it on myself and I did. And now its turned into some sort of a routine for me but I don't go to the bathroom like after every meal. So tell me is this something bad, or am I just exploring my own interest so to speak?

Seeing Faisall and my boys of Nafrat was heart warming. Don't view me as a slut when I say this but the hugs I get from them are comforting. Well of course I don't hug all of them all the time la but they never fail to give me that warmth whenever I'm with them. Afterall we have all been through so much together, the relationship between us has surpassed "friends". Although we no longer hang out and such like we used to, somehow or rather the inner feeling is no different from then coz we all treat each other as family. I can still remember those times thay spent over at my crib, kicking up a fuss and wrecking the whole place up. But those were good times, never to be forgotten.

Wahhh what's up with the emo touchy feely stuff?

Anyways work today was fun as usual. I think Tanglin Camp is like the best place to be for CRO duties coz all you do is welcome people, walk around, watch Jay Chou's MVs and Full House (hahaha), and camwhore! Totally zilch in relation to events management but this is for fun anyways, just to fulfil 48 hours. Later this week, things would go full force and I'm starting tomorrow night with the set-ups and all. I'm probably not gonna be blogging til the end of the week but let's just hope I will drop by at least.

Gonna watch Devil Wears Prada with bestie later in the evening. I realised I haven't been spending enough time with her so since I am free today, I shall grab that chance. Its 911 and the IMF delegates are in town. With the tight security and all, we still gotta sit and take time to pray that nothing is gonna happen. Nauzubillah.

Chatting with Mahat right now, another one of my past, but we're cool. Haven't seen Josh around, neither have I seen him online. So yea, too bad for me huh. I miss crapping with my Abang Harun though. I wanna see him play this coming Saturday at the Substation, but the problem is that I wanna work full shift for the event. See how.

I love my family, have I told you that? And I'm gonna repeat this again. I love my family, and if anyone is out to hurt them, that party would DIE. My parents have taught me well and I'm not resorting to violence but things are getting out of hand and I'm sick of keeping quiet. If they strike again, I'll make sure they go down the grave with me. Try me. This isn't revenge, this is war, bitch.

Endnote;
Headbanger's Holocaust was superb, we should have gigs like that again. :)

trainwreck, nights, nonsense and much love

2006-09-07T22:22:00.000+08:00

Excuse me for being a trainwreck in all sense but I'm just fucked and lazy and tired of everything. Neh, I'm just kidding. I am a trainwreck at this point; just not giving up on life as yet. So beat that, suckarse!

Oh oh yea, much love going out to my pretty babe cuzzie Rai for spending those nights at my crib. Those nights we talked about dreams (and how I died in hers), gossips, spring chicken, paddle pop and what nots, and ciggies! Thank you darling, and everything dihalalkan, just without a certificate. :)

School, attachment and life's been good thus far. Friends with humour and sarcasm (Robin: Why do you say that the colour of her shoes are red hot when you haven't even touched it? Jules: Cum la, I wanna go home!), lots of cigarette smoking (Feizel and his butterfly rokok gulung), occasional masturbation and putting three fingers down the throat to throw up just to get a kick out of it. Oh not forgetting chicken mushroom noodle with extra hum from Tong Seng. Kick dok!

My throat's not getting any better though, my voice is still pretty much like "Lulu" and I'm not doing anything to make it any better. Hence, I gotta endure all the nagging from mummy and dad, as well as Immz! Arrgh! But hey, its damned sexay you. And I'm sure you all want a piece of me right? Stick your tongue down my throat and gag me while I indulge on your body next to mine. Waddahell, I think I'm high.

New job offers' coming in. And the money is good yo. And while on the topic of money, I have none! Oklah I have 4 bucks and some change to tide me over for the week, plus I just bought a fresh pack of Texas reds and mommy dearest gave me a spankin new original LV wallet in which I can showoff my VISA and AMEX cards in so yea, I'll survive. Another week, another problem altogether. Ok get ready to get slammed Yana, you showoff!

A week to yours truly's 22nd! Gosh its been 22 years already? Nevermind, still young la. Enjoys ok. Family comes first, then friends and loved ones, followed by career and then I'll start looking around for suitable husband material(lace would be good, heh). But that's probably gonna be in like 5 years so waddaheck, to hell with relationships!

Blogging seemed secondary for me nowadays. Is it because I don't wanna let anyone in, or perhaps I'm just darned lazy. Heh. *smirks*

Oh ya, Gomez is out. Twohill is out. Potato would be outsted next, leaving Hady and Jon. Yeyness. Jon's rendition of Chasing Cars last night did it for me man. Coolios and sexayos. I'm a certified Jonaticos!

Ok it's confirmed. I AM high. And I'm off.
Good day all. <3

Endnote;
a big FUCK to blogger for all the errors in publishing and photo uploading. Looks like I gotta revert to LJ soon.

Yesterday, today and whatever

2006-09-03T00:36:00.000+08:00

Life's been great lately with no screw ups but I've been feeling depressed, or rather lonely. Been coming home late for the past two nights, consuming a fair amount of alcohol, nicotine and lots and lots of chocolates. I have no slightest idea to why I've been doing all those but I did. Very disappointed with myself coz I did pledge to get off those ciggies and wine and my feared enemy for the longest of time, chocolates but to no avail. Seriously, no idea why.

Enough about the depressing stuff, on to something more interesting.

The Singapore Biennale 2006 opening party was a blast. Although we had to soak ourselves in our own sweat, blood and tears for the preparation of the balloon thingy, the end product was superbo! Gonna post some pics of the Sky Ear Balloon Burble project by Usman Haque later on. Oh yea, Usman is cute, and so is his assisstant Fred. hahahaha. So ok, the balloon thing was beautiful. Imagine seeing a fresco of coloured balls in the sky, with the gorgeous background of the cityscapes. [edit]No pics for now coz the upload picture thingy is fucked, as usual! [/edit]

But it's...
Beeeeeaaauuuuuutiffoooooll!!

The balloon thing done, the fashion show and that alter ego guy's performance was a bit weird but soon after the greatest thing happened! DEATHMETAL AT THE PADANG!!!! And hooray hooray, I know those people and things got much better. Asmat and Jasmin came to visit, Imaz and her friends were there kinda early, and some other random metalheads; some known and some recognisable faces were there to support that performance. The other bahluls on stage aside, the band was wooohooo!! Joshua Wong was on bass, Shafiq (Chrysalids) was on vox, Halim (Cardiac) on drums, Nahar and Faizal (FD) as band assisstants and some other hot dude who resembles my ex on guitars. But its a sad case coz the metalheads were on the outside and very dispersed so we didn't have a chance to create our very own "headbanging" performance art. I can imagine how things would be if that happened. And it's also sad that the crowd started to disappear somehow during that set. Perhaps the performance was too loud for some, it constitutes as noise. Oh wells.

After that set, Amy pampered me with a glass of red wine at first. And as time progresses, one glass became two, three, four and within half an hour I think I consumed one whole bottle, or even more. Free stuff = good stuff.

The DJs started spinning after that, and my classmates gathered and we started to club in the middle of the padang! Our moves sucked and most of the time we were laughing away and looking out for Roger McDonald but I guess we each showed that alternative side of ours that we'll never see in class. We danced, jumped, grind (hahahaha!) and what nots til midnight and we panicked cos we thought we missed the last train home. But thank god, we managed to catch that last train. If not, I'd probably sleep at the padang itself. Or perhaps in Fred's room. hahahahaha! ;)

So I spent the day sleeping and watching TV, afterwhich I met Jasmin at City Hall, had some Japanese food and headed to Little India to watch Nafrat jam. Miss them boys of Nafrat! They were as usual the crazy bunch that they are and it was really a reminisce. Well they got shocked that I picked up smoking again but wells. We headed to Tekka after that and hung out, talked crap, smoked somemore and I was massaging my baby brother's arms while he cringed and budged every single time I press onto that cramped area. Damned I really miss those times when we're all damned close.

After all's said and done, I'm back here infront of my laptop blogging this down and being alone once again while trying really hard not to succumb to my emotions and break down.

No plans for later but I guess I'll just stay home and sleep. Oh I forgot, I should start on my Music assignment like soon coz its due in a couple of days!!!

Ok then, til my next entry.
Carpe Diem.

Love, SB2006

2006-09-01T08:35:00.000+08:00

Everything seemed so real.
Your touch, your gaze, your sweet sweet smile, your love.
I opened my eyes, you were no longer in sight.
But in my heart, you still linger.
Leave, please.
Release me from this misery.
Try to deny it, I can't forget it, can't do without you.
Dreams are meant for the brokenhearted.

- Yana.

* * * * * * * * * *

" It's always you in my sweet dreams. And you tell me that it's over, wake up standing in a patch of four leaf clover..."

* * * * * * * * * *

Long day yesterday, even longer one today. Less than 12 hours to the Singapore Biennale Party fucks! Check out the balloon work. If you're attentive and lucky enough, you might just see my visual up there. :)

Chalo.

Today, SI, yesterday CSI.

2006-08-30T21:39:00.000+08:00

Was supposed to blog last night but blogger.com was an ass. But whatever. My day was great, although it's been pouring for the later half of the day. Driving on the expressways and JB was a nightmare I had to surrender and allowed my cousin to drive instead. But all's good coz Kenny Roger's black pepper chicken kicked ass!

Singapore Idol was bleak. Jon did the best today, for both performances. Hady somewhat lost his directions for the second song but the first was smooth. Joakim sounded quite good today actually but of course it's not a worthy enough performance if he's to be crowned the next idol. Jasmine is losing her diction and attitude and Paul totally lost it tonight. So good luck all.

Back to yesterday.
The 2 hr finale of CSI was damned superb I tell you! Put Jerry Bruckheimer and Quentin Tarantino together and you get a freaking great show. Lots of explosives, suspense and most importantly the decapitation of body parts and BLOOD!!!!

Oh ya, and the occasional sight of Nick Stokes crying and cringing like a baby. hahaha. Oklah its quite a pity coz he was buried in some plasterglass coffin and slowly eaten alive by deadly ants.

Kick ass!

Ok so I spent yesterday wasting loads of time watching VCDs of old old stuff from The Kind And I, Crybaby (Johnny Depp yum yum), 303:Fear, Faith, Revenge (Ananda Everingham my love), The Bride of Chucky and the not-so-old Initial D. Awesome shows, damned good lucking guys. Typical.

And of course, some camwhoring.

That is something classified as VANITY.
Again, typical.

Got my namcards printed for networking.
*hint hint*
Tomorrow's gonna be a damned long day.

Ok go, wooot!!~

Arguments, pictures and SB2006

2006-08-28T23:17:00.000+08:00

I'm just sick and tired of arguing with men la, ermm boys I mean. Especially those egoistical bastards who always tend to put women a notch under them. But what's said on Aziela's blog is very true.

"A clever woman never competes with a man; she walks behind him and gives him the impression that he is in control..."

Like arguing with the ex isn't enough, now I'm arguing with the cuz as well. Tired la, very penat you know!

Oh fuck it.

Some pics from the field trip just now.

[ From the rooftop, snapped by Feizel ]

[ My classmates, some paying attention, some just not. ]

[ "Abang" Gerald, myself, Feizel ]

[ "Kakak" Rina, myself, Kak Jules ]

Benson Phua, CEO of The Esplanade is the most humble person I've ever met. I need to be more active in my Esplanade Youth role. hehehe. No school tomorrow, only Visual Arts lesson on Wednesday, a trip to Merlin Framing on Thursday morning, then the Singapore Biennale thingy from Thursday afternoon til the end of the week. Gonna be a damned busy week for me but I can't wait.

Check the SB2006 out yo!
Chalo.

Money, throat and bag.

2006-08-27T20:30:00.000+08:00

I'm blogging early today coz I'm planning on doing some revision later on. *ehem* Afterall, I have assignments due next week and I'm still searching for a suitable topic.

Supposed to attend WOMAD with Sharina or Helmi cuz last night but I skipped. I need to save cash to get myself a new pair of jeans coz the pair I have now is torn. hahaha. I didn't even go for Thrashfest! What a waste la. Money is really a liability at this point. So anyways I stayed home instead coz my aunt and cousins came over and we talked abit. Family matters yo.

My throat's not getting any better la and it sucks. Well my bad, coz I've been drinking sweet tea and eating spicy food. I just can't stand eating bland porridge and drinking warm water everyday la.

So anyways, on to something more ermmm... upbeat? I was looking through someone's blog and she had this "What's in my bag" entry, which apparently is a hype these days so I've decided to jump onto the bandwagon and do the same.

So here goes...

1. My ZINC bag - Very versatile, meaning it matches with any outfit. $40.
2. My calendar organizer - Where all my agendas are written down. Sometimes I turn it into a mini diary as well.
3. Water - Essential stuff, especially now when my throats' being a bitch.
4. My Canon G6 digicam - Camwhore, what do you expect? That thing's always in my bag so I have it with me most of the time.
5. Tissue - Its convenient to bring that whole pack. You never know what kinda emergencies need the use of tissues.
6. Umbrella - The weather's been kinda unpredictable lately so I have this in my bag just in case it pours. If not, I'll use it to shelter me from the sunrays.
7. Pencil case - Well I only have one pencil in there, lots of black pens, liquid paper, stapler etc. Basically all the necessary stationery for a student :)
8. Makeup kit - Even though I don't look into the mirror and powder like every 2 minutes, I still need my makeup kit with me, just in case you know.
9. Wallet - Contains my IC, Driver's License, school pass, ATM card, credit cards, library cards, namecards and MONEY! That wallet looks damned simple but costs me a bomb, Ord Ning & Reda stuff, ripoff!
10. Drugs - Nolah not those kinda drugs, its only Panadol Extra and my lozenges. Very important as well, just pop one when I feel uneasy and I'll be back in full force within 5 minutes.
11. Sanitary Pad - Well, duh. For emergency use.
12. Lotions - Oklah I'm kinda vain as well so I have mosturizers for skin and Nail care moisturizer. Doesn't do much for my nails coz I always bite them but the smell is nice.
13. Perfume - That's Body Shop's Amorito, smells like chocolates really.
14. Handbook - I'm gonna be starting my attachment with Singapore Biennale soon so the handbook is there in case I need any instant FAQs.
15. EZLink card - My essential passport for transport. hahaha.
16. Comb with mirror - Again, this is a girl thing so refer to #8.
17. ZEN Neeon - My mp3 player. My form of entertainment on my way to school/work etc.
18. Nokia 6101 - My handphone. I think this one is pretty self-explanatory la.
19. Card Reader - My CompactFlash card reader, in case I need to upload pictures from my digicam on the spot.

Well those are the usual stuff in my bag. Of course I'll have books when I go to school or a change of clothes if I go to work and such. But what's missing is a pack of cigarettes and condoms. I haven't smoked for a few days now due to my bad throat and as for the condoms, well I don't think I need anymore for now. Ok ooops, too much info there.

So I guess this is about it for today. Will be going to the Esplanade tomorrow for Mary's class so get ready for pics to come. That is if I even bother la.

Orites.

Long due

2006-08-25T12:53:00.000+08:00

I got tagged by Sabrina like a month ago so this is long due. Therefore I'm ready to redeem myself now. Here's for you Sab.

7 THINGS THAT SCARE ME

7. war/natural tragedies/armageddon/epidemics: The greatness of God
6. revoking of my driver's license, well you guys know how good a driver I am right? hehe
5. losing my family members
4. ghosts and spirituality, such contradiction coz I like spiritual stuff and I'm adventurous enough to explore but when it comes to seeing ghosts/beings, I am a total wimp.
3. falling in love and disappointed, again
2. not being the perfect daughter and sister I am supposed to be
1. the day music will be wiped out from the earth aka silence

7 THINGS THAT I LIKE

7. food, duh!
6. soft toys
5. my digicam & mp3 player
4. dark/horror/macabre/gothic photography and arts
3. any clothing article in BLACK!
2. medical books/dictionaries
1. MUSIC!!

7 MOST IMPORTANT THINGS IN MY ROOM

7. PC/TV/Laptop
6. alarm clock
5. strawberry scented candles
4. BED!!
3. aircon
2. teddies and dolls
1. mirror

7 RANDOM FACTS ABOUT ME

7. I am emetophilic
6. I have an obsession with hot wax
5. I like to sit infront of my PC/laptop just in my towel, especially after a bath
4. I like to talk incessantly and act cute
3. I have a very wide and wild imagination
2. I fantasize about my cousin <3
1. I bite my nails, alot!

7 THINGS I PLAN TO DO BEFORE I DIE

7. Secure a good paying job
6. Take care of my parents like they used to take care of me
5. Get married and have a happy family of my own with 3 kids.
4. Don the tudung
3. Perform the haj
2. Travel around the world
1. REPENT, most important!

7 THINGS I CAN'T DO

7. read maps
6. lick my elbows
5. roll my tongue
4. whistle
3. pull-ups/push-ups/chin-ups
2. be committed
1. think of anything else at this point of time =)

7 WORDS I SAY MOST

7. "mampoz"
6. "bleurgh"
5. "yo"
4. "really?"
3. "oh wells"
2. "muacks"
1. "wazzzapppp"

7 PEOPLE WHO WILL HAVE TO DO THIS

I'm not listing but if you read this then you're tagged la.

Ok I'm done for now.
No school, no work for the day, yey!

Going for SB2006 site visit later on with QiaoPing.
Tanglin Camp again!

WOMAD tomorrow, or Sunday.
It depends.

The cuzzie's feeling down.
Awww....

Aaargh.

I'm back!

2006-08-24T22:10:00.000+08:00

Its been awhile but I'm back and smackin!

Life's been kicking me in the ass lately but I'm still hanging in there so thank you God for giving me the strength. My throat's been a bitch as well, all thanks to tonsilitis but I'm surviving. I have the sexiest voice in the universe right now!

School's been hectic as usual; visits, events, classes, new classmates. Really, my friends are DA BOMB. Shoutout to "abang" Gerald my uncle metalhead, Hafiz "wak" and Feizel who's been taking very good care of me while I was down and out. Same goes for "Kakak" Rina, Kak Jules, QiaoPing and Sheena.

"I still cannot swallow okay!"
hahahahaha.

Look at the date. September is coming up in about a week. How time flies. September's gonna be a super busy month for me. My parents are going to HK, the Singapore Biennale thing will commence, datelines for projects, MY BIRTHDAY *wink*, gigs and the returning of Ramadhan. Hope I can get back on track fully by then. I need to.

I know I've been talking about my mental instability and all but please do me a favour and not question my diagnosis. I just wanna get out of there and I'm trying very hard to. As much as I say that I'm fully recovered and that things are dandy, I am not. But I promise I will not succumb to my alter ego, its bound to destroy my life someday.

Being single seems good so far but I can't get rid of memories. I'm sure you all know what I mean. Oh wells, what's done is done. To Joshua, I wish you all the best when you go back to LA. You are already truly missed.

I love my brother. I really do. And whatever happens, I will be by his side. And I swear if he gets hurt again, that bitch shall die.

Haven't been spending time with both my besties, at all. I don't even know what's happening in their lives. But I do miss them and hope to see them soon.

Singapore Idol has been one joke. Nurul got voted out today so 5 contestants to go. Hady and Jon for the finals yo! If they don't make it that far, I dunno what to say. Its time we Singaporeans invest in a good earwax cleaner.

On a happier note altogether, I made a new skin! Yey! And I'm back! But please don't expect too much from me.

Its good to be back.
:)